Don as photographed by Eric, December 1988, Disneyland, Anaheim, CA - Copyright, Eric Gould 1988
Earlier this year one of my best friends died. I had a really difficult time with this, I tried to stay strong for his wife, my best friend since 1977, but I don't think I did a good job of this, I'm still not doing a good job.
However, I spent a lot more time with my son over this period, I suppose I did this subconsciously to remind me how awesome life is as seen through the eyes of a six year-old, to remind me of all that is good and true and pure...perhaps a vicarious vacation.
The following is the eulogy I wrote for/about Don at his funeral...as is...grammar and punctuation notwithstanding:
"Don would have loved this rainy day. (very dreary and rainy that day, something he absolutely would have loved)
I do not speak today on anyone else's behalf, I speak for myself as I cannot possibly know or pretend to know what others felt or what each of you saw in your friend. I only know that Don was a true friend to me, through all the ups and downs, and I will miss him dearly.
Don had a unique take on life, it was unmistakably noir-cum-comedic-noir, which not everyone understood or appreciated. When I first met him, oh those long years ago, I found his approach rather odd but I quickly learned that the odd and unusual worked and we became friends.
Don struggled finding a positive place, or even just a comfortable place in this world, even in the simplest situations. Parts of Don's life were frustrating to deal with for him and those around him, yet, for all those struggles and issues I can say with confidence that almost anytime we talked or got together we found something to laugh about, even if it was wholly depressing otherwise...better laughing than crying, right? I had come to the conclusion long ago that Don's demeanor could well be described as wistful miserabilism...sometimes gruff, a definite underpinning of morosity laced with a biting sarcastic wit and all topped with a twist of vulnerability. Somehow it worked for him...it was who he was, and you either understood that or you didn't, but that's what it was.
In spite of the ever growing situation, Don continued to be very kind, he and Teresa were as generous as could be, they knew that times were rough and they did the best they could to support me. For this I will be eternally grateful. I will honestly and truly miss our strange and funny conversations, Don's concern for my health and well-being, his honest appraisals of his struggles (which helped me with my own struggles) and that TRULY unique perspective.
All my love to you, Don. May you finally be at peace. "
God rest your soul.
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